Some of the most memorable and important days of our life, pass us by unnoticed, and it is only when looking back, that we can fully realize their significance.
I was the second child in our family, stuck between a bratty sister, two years my senior, and a spoiled little brother that was two years my junior. It was just after the war and things were tough, but Dad worked hard and in his free time built us a nice little house on the farm where he was born. Grandpa died a day or so after I was born. I don’t think I had anything to do with it… but his passing took precedence over my arrival and my cries for attention went mostly unheard because of the wailing of others… and so I became silent.
Dad worked at different jobs and many times had to work late into the night and so Mom was our primary caregiver. She was a good mother and very loving… but I sometimes got jealous of my little brother’s demands for her attention.
On one day when I was about six years old, we were told that we would be getting a new baby in the family. I asked where would it come from and was told it was growing inside of Mummy. I didn’t understand that at the time but as the months passed it became obvious that something surely was growing in her and because of it she became tired more often and would spend more time resting in the rocking chair. That was great for us because she would let us sit with her in the evenings and she would rock us to sleep. As the months passed, however, she became more uncomfortable and would limit us to only one at a time… and often would say she was too tired to rock me, after putting my brother into bed. Usually, I would give in and just go to my room, however, one night, after saying she was too tired, I pleaded with her to let me just sit with her for just a short time, She smiled and motioned me over to her chair and I climbed into her lap and felt her loving arms wrap around me. I must have fallen asleep soon after that because I awoke in the morning in my bed… and when I went to the kitchen she was not there. She had gone into the hospital during the night and our Aunt Helen was cooking breakfast for us. She would return a week later with our baby sister.
I didn’t realize it at the time but that was the day my childhood ended… for I never again had the opportunity to be rocked to sleep in her loving arms.
My Life has been filled with last times… many of which can bring a smile to my face as I recall celebrating significant milestones with friends and family members… others, of course, bring tears to my eyes, as I recall my last visits with friends. who would soon after slip out of form unexpectedly, sometimes of their own doing, and I regret not having the opportunity to tell them of my Love for them.
Sometimes I wonder, if after my form exhales for the very last time, will there be one last opportunity for me to repair those broken relationships that never got mended, or to be forgiven of wrongdoings by those whom I may have hurt… and yes, to feel, for the very last time, my Mother’s arms wrapped tightly around me, as she rocks me gently into an eternal sleep.
